The Notorious Lyy

Dream. Old man.

2011-11-27T16:08:00.001+08:00

Weird.

I dreamt of him last night, my old man.
Its like a really weird dream. I was with cek mat working and then I saw old man. I quickly walk pass him and den he went to his room. I u-turn back and suddenly he opened his door, I ran for the stairs and hid there but he still found me.

So he was saying "so it's you last night who (I can't remember, but seems like in my dream I disturbed him or something)." and I said like "ya, it's me, so what?" and bla bla and he actually asked me to have supper with him after work (working noon shift).

-.-" like huh? Knowing him, I know he wont. :(

And I prove the picture wrong, he don't miss me, I miss him.

2011-09-19T11:32:00.001+08:00

Today is the most important day of my life thus far. Yea. I see this as a very important day. Hahahahaha.

And I've been so nervous. Really. Really hopeful.

阿彌陀佛

2011-09-18T17:26:00.001+08:00

Omg. I actually dreamt of JJi. I dreamt he uploaded a picture taken by someone else. In the picture. He was carrying a baby boy with his back facing the camera, standing on the floor, there is a bed which is beside him. On the bed was his gf/wife.

What a dream.

I guess I've been thinking too much about him. Maybe he's in Berlin with them.

2011-09-17T19:17:00.001+08:00

The other day my best friend said to me "You seldom take this long to get over someone. And this time you are really miserable. But. You haven't even met him yet!". Indeed.

Pao ah Pao. I wonder how are you.

2011-09-02T11:22:00.001+08:00

Pao de Pao! Darling Pao. Baby Pao. Pao Pao Pao Pao Pao Pao Pao Pao.

No longer.

2011-09-01T18:11:00.001+08:00

When we stopped going online, be in msn, fb, whatsapp, whatever it is, people conclude we went MIA, we disappeared and even we just vanished into thin air. If so, what's the point of having calls/texts as the most basic function on our cellphone? Hello, so stingy meh?

2011-08-29T18:38:00.001+08:00

If I were you, i'll let go. Because seriously, what good do you get if all he gave is his body, that he's physically there and that's all. I'm not important and I've never wanted to be important anyways. So he cheated on her with you, and he could the same to you. What's the point? When he's with you and she called, you're invisible suddenly. "Nope, I'm alone/with bla bla bla" and you're hearing it so clearly, so, will you believe him if one day you became the official one and you called and he said the same thing "Nope, I'm not with any girls, I'm just with bla bla bla going fishing!". Can you believe it? Can you take it when your mind starts thinking and imagining all the possible girls he'd most prolly be with? Even when he's really faithful (Which is kinda not possible), you'll go paranoid thinking of all those situations, your mind goes "Is it for real? Is he really just alone with the boys". Come on. Whats the point of having this mind fucking session? Oh right, you're mental and you like this kind of life. Right. Why do I even bother writing all these when you obviously love being the "hidden" one, the "secret" one.

Enjoy it while it last. When he's back here, you're so losing everything. And don't worry, I'm not gonna see him because I'm not one who likes sabotaging and jeopardizing people's relationship.

And as for you, mr, make the best of you're so screwed up life currently, enjoy it.

:) and yes, indeed, a very happy belated birthday greeting. Thanks and I so don't appreciate it.

I'm not jealous or anything, I'm just so disappointed that you'll allow yourself into this shitty and sticky situation again. This time round, you've obviously found the wrong girl to have a tryst with.

Poor thing. I pity you both and may god bless her for being strong to go through with this stupid ordeal again. You mr, is not the poorest person in this "Love triangle". The most pitiful one is her, your her. Sigh.

I feel so sad for her.

2011-08-24T04:29:00.001+08:00

Phrase of the day "fuck that shit".

I was literally saying that line over and over again. And I kept wanting to point my middle finger. In the end. I didn't point at all and I make a really lame version of pointing the middle finger and cupcakes was laughing like mad. Ha. So everytime I had to point my middle finger, I'll do the other version of it. Ha. How cool is that? Lol.

Throat's a bit sore from all the screaming on the bike "Fuck that shit!". I guess I just needed some release. I'm glad I met him and scream and whatever. Been a really long time since I last screamed on his bike anyways. Hee. Been a good girl. :D

August have been good and bad. Some people came in, some people left, some people went missing. Yes. You know I'm talking about you Chandra, you went missing. Fuuuuuuuuuck you.

Anyways. I finally got that damn monkey pj. :) weeeeeeee

That monkey is just too cute to let go :)

Pao's still constantly on my mind. Perhaps we have got the same issues, same mindset. Not too sure. In fact, I might be too infatuated with him. Well. If I am, I won't pray I'll stop, I'll only hope he is just as infatuated as I am. Anyways. Why should he even be on my mind? That's strangeeeeeeeeeeeee.

Everytime I look at his pictures, the mind goes "How can I fall for someone like him?". Omg. Did I just say I fell for him?! Shit! Fuuuuuuuuuuuuck.

Ahhhhhh! I'm so screwed. Yes indeed I am. I kept telling my friends that I'm not going to see him, and the ironic thing is, whatever plans I have that day, I cancelled them all the instant I confirmed the date, you see, I always mixed up the dates, like "is it Wednesday or Thursday?" and I kept thinking it's wednesday so I actually have 2 things to be done which I have to choose between wed and thurs. So I pushed both to thurs. And then I realized it's thurs and the moment I knew I was wrong, despite telling him that I'm not gonna see him, I instantly push forward my stuffs to wednesday. Ha. How contradicting! I know. -.-"

And despite my constant telling of people that I'm so not gonna see him, I can't help but to keep "preparing" for the "date". Like. Mental checking of what I need to do. Ha. Now it feels so funny. Like. I'm going for my first date ever. Ha. You know how people always appear the best on the first date and it gets worse slowly and gradually but definitely. Haha.

Yes. I'm contradicting.

I'm so not gonna see him, like. Really? Hahahahaha. Me think me is so screwed!

To end this.
Let's say it together.

FUCK THAT SHIT BABY!

2011-08-22T17:53:00.001+08:00

Joke of yesterday.

Me :"I'm obsessed with old man pao.".
Best friend :"Then marry him la!".
Me :"But I'm not sure if he's as obsessed as I am with him!".

Wahahaha. So funny right?

Word of the night.
"Obsessed".

Topic of the night.
My issues with trust.

I know. One day. He'll just leave. I know. Because even the most patient human will get sick of explaining. Seen too much of how "lying" works.

"Nope. I'm not with any girls. I'm just with bla bla bla going for bla bla bla" and I'm just sitting next to him. Even when there's nothing going on between us, we'll still lie and cover our asses.

Truth is. Who believes in platonic friendship between a guy and girl? And most my friends are guy. I believe in platonic friendship. But. If my bf/husband were to go meet their good female friend, I might go crazy. And I'll also go crazy if my bf/husband don't believe me and my guy friends are purely friends.

Woman are contradicting.

I went genting in may with a friend (guy). Nobody believed nothing happened. This thing is so difficult to comprehend. Sigh.

Wanting to trust people. Wanting trust from others. Mutual trust. How many couple can truly say they trust each other? And to those who can't say that, I've got a question. If so, what's the point of staying together?

Hmm. Food for thought aye?

When you're attached, you see happy singles. When you're single, you see happy attached. -.-" like what?!

Say it with me, "Say what?!".

And yes. I'm still so obsessed with old man pao.

2011-08-19T22:00:00.001+08:00

Pao.

That's all that matters recently. But. That's all.

Better now than in a year, more nights of tears and we both hate each other.

2011-08-05T19:11:00.003+08:00

Do me a favor darling, lets make this, the last parting.

for you, for her, for me and for my future one.

Current addiction.

-Before it explodes.

lets take a look at the lyrics and tell me how you feel about it.

its not a question of love, cause our love has never changed.

but all the little things, keep piling up, and life keeps getting in the way.

dont make this harder than it is, we both knew itd come to this

better now than in a year, more nights of tears and we both hate each other.

the fuse is already lit, so how about a final kiss and just let it go, and stop the madness before it explodes, before its out of our control.

somethings we wont understand.

and we're both so tired of being misunderstood.

so lets just turn around and walk away, and hold on to what was good.

dont make this harder than it is, we both knew itd come to this

better now than in a year, more nights of tears and we both hate each other.

the fuse is already lit, so how about a final kiss and just let it go, and stop the madness before it explodes, before its out of our control.

there aint nothing that can save us, we're too close to the edge

and whats the use of going on, if we're lying to each other, every word that is said.

its too late for us now, cause we can hear the countdown,

its getting close, its gonna blow.

lets stop the madness before it explodes.

I hope you get it, really.

feeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeel it.

for the last time, have a good one.

2011-07-30T00:50:00.001+08:00

The last time I drank. I was really happy.
Today. I'm not.

Same person. Different feelings.

Old. Im getting old.

2011-07-29T21:22:00.001+08:00

Trust issues. Who to trust and who not to. So rhyme.

Would I get a decent birthday hug? Or a lusty I-wanna-do-you-so-much hug. Lol.

Think too much. Sometimes I think my brain is truly amazing and sometimes I shock myself with my words and thoughts, seriously.

Gotta find a real job soon. :)

2011-07-24T16:04:00.001+08:00

Miss you much. =...(

I like the way you call me Jai.
And ya. I still do.

2011-07-23T15:35:00.001+08:00

As much as I wish you're here. I know you're never gonna be. Too bad for me I guess. Byebye love.

2011-07-21T16:29:00.001+08:00

I've never known the loving of a man but it sure felt nice when he was holding my hand.

2011-07-20T15:55:00.001+08:00

사랑해.

2011-07-19T20:24:00.001+08:00

I asked my BFF last night. A question I doubt I've ever asked. "Jason and Chandra. Who's the one I love more?". He said "Chandra.". Good guess. He got it right.

Nothing went as planned yesterday. Was supposed to catch a movie with him. It was cancelled. The next plan was to meet my BFF for dinner and some chit chat session. Got to cancel the chit chat session bcuz he got to meet the gf. Dinner was planned at toa payoh. But he kept saying he don't want to cuz he's too full but I die die want it. He kept telling me to change the plan and it went to the extend of me saying "Fine. Let's eat somewhere else. Nvm. Just change place." and he kept saying I'm pissed off, angry, tulan, etc. I wasn't. He left out one description, I was disappointed, not upset not sad not angry not anything. Just disappointed. And I told him why I insisted on that place even thou I'm just like him, bursting and i won't be able to finish the food without puking it all out later.

It was bcuz I just want something to go as planned. I need to know that things will go the way I wanted. If we really did cancel the dining place. Nothing would have went 'right' yesterday.

We ate and we got a cab. Puked as usual. And went to bed really early at like 10+ and I slept all the way to 12.30. I need all the sleep I can get to get him off my mind. No doubt I woke in between. At 2.29, 3.47, 8.26, 10.32, 11.37 and finally 12.32. I remember all the time well bcuz I woke and I check my phone. Nope. No news from him.

Anyways. I really feel very miserable. I really do. It wasn't the same anymore. This time I'm really upset. I don't know why either. Perhaps it's bcuz of the word "I did". Maybe. I dont know.

Sigh.

Love him and leave him. Thats just the perfect plan. On a side note. I'm thinking of patching things up with someone. Let's see how it goes.

2011-07-19T14:07:00.001+08:00

Trying very hard to remember how my life was before I met you and the memories seem so vague. Couldn't seem to recall anything. I'm guessing you took up a huge space in my small tiny little brain.

Sometimes I wonder how long this thing will go on. How long has it been? Been too long.

You feel like someone close. But then again, you are just like a stranger too.

I wish you well. Doesn't matter if you're happy and not with me, bcuz the most important thing is you're happy.

= ))

2011-07-18T16:29:00.001+08:00

Physically and emotionally hurt. I'm surprised that I'm still able to feel pain in the both ways I've mentioned. It's been too long.

2011-07-18T16:22:00.003+08:00

When I look into your eyes, You got me hooked, Pokemon.

2011-07-18T16:22:00.001+08:00

There's only so much pretending I can do.

Nothing else matter for now. It's just you and her. You got it?

2011-07-18T05:12:00.001+08:00

Found myself missing the most impossible person when I'm right next to him.

2011-07-15T13:06:00.001+08:00

It's amazing how friendship work. Really. ;)

2011-07-14T12:59:00.001+08:00

Lovely night. :)

2011-07-13T17:44:00.001+08:00

Be thankful it was me.

2011-07-13T16:29:00.001+08:00

CharlieB called yesterday. Like. After so long. We went for drinks at the place we went on our first date. Haha. Yea. Our first date had him picking me up from work. And seeing that there's still time for drinks before our 11.40 movie, we went for some martinis. And proceeded to our movie. Our first movie, "Hello Stranger". Haha.

Drink drank drunk last night. Lmao. 8 martinis and a bottle of asahi. They did wonders on bed. The bed felt shaky as if I'm wading on stormy sea. Had a great time with CharlieB.

And meeting him again today for some transformers shit. Knowing I'm a big fan of 3D movies which he's not, we're still gonna catch it in 3D. :)

Awesome max. Love.

2011-07-12T16:06:00.001+08:00

First fishing trip with Chandra failed, thankfully. Before we made the trip. We saw lightning. So I told him to cancel with Chris. But he decided to go ahead. So we went to get baits (prawns). And proceed to pandan. So the guys doing their things and finally when it's about done, it started raining. Haha. Chandra :"Chandra says no rain!" and step out of shelter. Chandra :"Wa. It's raining leh!".

-.-" packed up and the volume of the rain increase. Kinda wet just getting out of shelter and into the car.

After all, it was a beautiful night.

2011-07-09T21:26:00.001+08:00

Chandra is back. Nope. Nothing is going on between us. Don't worry. :)

Sometimes. I just don't know what z is thinking. Really. It's like his mind is miles apart. And. It made me think. What's the point of me talking when he doesn't seem to be listening. Well.

Flirt king. I hate it. I hate seeing sad face too. Fuck.

2011-07-02T02:45:00.001+08:00

Deep down inside. How well do you know me? How well do I know myself?

Am I happy. Am I sad. Am I angry. Am I bored. Am I depressed. Am I relaxed.

Updates. Leaving my shop. Going back to work.

Obligation.

2011-06-27T17:03:00.001+08:00

One word. Sucks.

I hate the feeling of being obliged to do things with certain someone just because we have been doing it for a while.

It's like just because we have been eating lunch/dinner almost everyday doesn't mean I have to do it everyday. Or just bcuz we have been watching lots of movies together doesn't mean we must watch it together forever.

WTF.

I cannot do a committed relationship and I told him not once not twice but plenty of times. Please. Make it stop.

I feel really stressed up.

When his family don't see me for a while. They start asking. How come today she never come? At first it was kinda funny. Den it get a bit too much. Sticking together everyday is unhealthy. And it only makes getting sick and tired faster. Wouldn't it be better if we see each other lesser and have more to talk about? Crap. I hate my current routine. And I miss my friends.

I do!

No doubt he'll say "Ya, go ahead and meet your friends.". But he don't do it with a happy face or a open heart. He'll show me this sad face. And it happens everynight when I go home. And I dont go home early. I go home about Wat? 3+am. Not enough? WTF man! This is shit.

I need a break. I wanna see my friends. My family. I wanna be the free girl I used to be. I don't like reporting. I want to be able to meet anyone I want, without having to inform anyone, and without having to see the sad face.

Why can't he just be satisfied and happy? Why? At first I was quite happy. Until everynight I see that face. I got sick. Appreciate the times spent. Not ask for more. And what's the point of spending time when all day long, he just give me a sad face knowing I'm leaving for my grandma house! Grandma house! Hello!

Ahhhhhh.

Crap.

2011-06-15T04:48:00.001+08:00

No intention to check on his phone. But somehow I just did it. Saw that he went out with a person with a girl's name on Sunday in-between meeting ups. That day I met him at 1+pm, then I went back to shop. Have a customer at 2+ so asked him to go entertain himself. He told me he's meeting a friend, but I couldn't remember if he told me the gender of that friend, and then we met again at about 4pm.

Anyways. Just realized it's someone with a girls name.

And I felt a lil sad. And I cried.

2011-06-10T03:24:00.001+08:00

Can't seem to sleep these days. Getting from bad to worst (my sleeping time I mean). From the usual 1+ to 2+ and gradually it became 5+6. Power or not? It's not that I stay out late. Its just that I can't seem to sleep.

Boohoo.

I wonder if cute cute like me. Hahahaha. Maybe he's just kidding.

2011-06-08T18:51:00.003+08:00

2011-06-07T16:58:00.001+08:00

Hello all. I'm back. After a long hiatus from here, not the world. Haha. I'm not dead, obviously, just can't seem to do any decent post. No idea why.

Anyways. The reason I'm back here is not bcuz there's any great changes in my life. Nothing. I'm back here simply bcuz I love reading my old posts and it kinda help me remember stuffs and happenings. So. I thought that perhaps I should blog again. To remember what happened in my life when I read them in the future.

Nothing much have happened. Same old life style. Nobody new in my life. Some old friends came back. And some old friends is still busy with their life.

I finally took a break. Even thou it's just a short 3 days 2 night trip to Genting, it's still a break. Went with WM and learnt new stuffs. Shouldn't mention anything here bcuz I doubt I'll ever forget that.

First time to the casino. Haha.

And things still haven't change much with regards to Chandra. We're still quarreling a lot. But this time round, however, it seems that we are finally just friends. Kinda glad too. Bcuz I've been reading my old post and my post is generally talking about miss him, and wanting to get over him. Wow. Finally. After so long. We are truly just friends now. Woo.

Still very much into prawning session. But kinda wanted to try fishing too. Shall try it one day. :)

Alright. So maybe there's this new guy in my life. Not really new. But. Just that in the past we are talking solely as friends but now. Not really that. He's far away. In S.K. We text frequently and talk on the phone about once every 2 weeks. Last Saturday he sorta spot check me. Haha. Doesn't believe I'm home. First time he spot check me. Haha. :) I kinda like it. Don't know why.

I've changed. I dare say that. No longer the same old possessive girl. And no longer really like people like asking me to update my whereabouts. I used to like all this and do all this. I'm happy I changed. I believe thats a positive thing. But when he spot checked me, I'm feeling kind of "oh. Been so long, wow.". Hahaha. I know. I'm so lame.

Really. I could be in love with him. No doubt. And thou I miss CharlieB occasionally and ChandraP too. But. Its no longer the same. Really. I'm happy with my current life. With fixed schedule. Thursday and Sunday (after grandma house) I'll be meeting my best friend. Friday-Sunday I'll be at my grandma house and any other programmes these few days would have to wait til I leave there which is mostly 10pm. The rest of the days if I'm not going anywhere, I'll be going home straight. Maybe this has something to do with me a Virgoan, like I like fixed schedule and don't really like changing them and I like my dates planned, one day in advance, don't really like last minute changes or last minute date. Ha. This hasn't changed a bit.

Haha. Anyways. My head is suddenly aching. I should take a rest.

Love,
JY.

2011-03-26T17:05:00.001+08:00

Me before we hang up the phone "say you love me."
Him "will you feel good after I say that?"
Me "why you always like to say all this? Bla Bla Bla"
Him "I love you I love you I love you I love you I love you"
Me "really don't understand why you always need to say all this"
Him "I've said it"
Me "ya but you don't mean it."
Him "Because we got to be responsible about what we said."
Me "bye. I don't want to talk to you anymore"

Hang phone.

Say also need responsibility ma? Did I ask him to marry me? No?

Sigh. I know we can never be together.

2011-03-10T14:45:00.001+08:00

Finally went to Night Safari. :D

2011-03-10T14:44:00.001+08:00

Wow. 18th feb. Date check. Today is the 10th march. Almost a month.

Everything seems the same. There's no major changes.

CB still on my mind. CP too. Back to talking with CP. Surprisingly. Dreamt of liar lee on Tuesday. I don't particularly remember the dream, but I know its a happy dream bcuz I woke up smiling and I wanna go back to the dream so I sleep somemore. LOL. But seriously. Who cares.

Tmr's CB's birthday. Happy birthday in advance, CB. May all your wishes come true.

CB

2011-02-18T21:19:00.001+08:00

Dear CB, I dreamt of you again, last night. How ridiculous. In my dream, it was CNY still. And you're at your grandma's place and I'm at mine. Surprisingly, your grandma just stays opposite of mine. And its those kind of houses where we can look into each other's houses clearing. You see, the houses faces each other.

Anyhow, you guys are doing the family portrait kinda things, which my family do every year anyways, so, I think it's the photo for your generation, meaning the cousins, the siblings, sorta photo. So I told my mum 'your lawyer boy is just opposite.'. My mum call you lawyer boy. And well, my aunties knows about your existence, so they were all asking 'Which one?!' and only my mum knows how you looks like so she started looking out for you. You're sitting at the second last anyways, looking all smart and cute. Ha. My mum found you. And goes 'oh. I found him. Good.'. She somehow have a very good impression of you since I talked to her about you when we were still talking and she always blames me for ruining our friendship when you asked what I liked about you and I said 'money.'. Even til now, she'll say 'you made him leave.'.

Anyhow. I had to leave the place to go to run some errands. And so I left. Then I saw my secondary schoolmates. Totally no link. And then I got lost while making the way back to the grandma's place.

So I was at this block which looked like the grandma's. Took the lift up. Somehow it wasn't.

Got quite scared. Don't wanna be unable to see you again. Went down the block trying to find the correct block and I woke up.

This dream seemed to be telling me something. I don't know what is it. But. I'm damn sure it ain't gonna be a nice thing this dream is telling me.

Maybe it's telling me that I'm losing you for good this time. But. Really. Am I the one pushing you away or you're just afraid to come in my life?

CB. I miss you. I want you back.

2011-02-17T16:57:00.001+08:00

Wow. Been the longest time since I came here. So much have happened. Sigh. Good things and bad things.

CNY came and today is the last day already. Wow.

Left my old working place. Thumbs up. Finally.

I still miss CB. But we blocked each other from speaking to each other. I deleted him as a friend on fb and I blocked him in whatsapp.

I can't believe how he can associate me with being materialistic. So what if he's got a good job. Drives a good car. Come on. I don't give a damn. Then suddenly tell me he's lying about his job. And the good car he drives aint his. WTF man. Does my face spell POOR? Or do I look like a money grabber? Have I ever asked for anything? And why do I always carry my bag even when he ask me to leave it in his car? Bcuz I'd like to pay sometimes too! But he don't know that and he thinks it's bcuz I can't live without my little killer sticks in my bag. Crap. :( I'm so sad.

True. I've only met him thrice. And he knows I like him. But. It's not bcuz of all the job or car things. Its bcuz I find that we really can talk. Have fun together. Enjoy each other's company. Den he say he stopped himself cuz he's not ready. But. WTF man. Did I say I wanna be in a relationship with him? FUCK no! Crap.

He's crazy. And then he say he's sick. Cannot be in a relationship. -.- this man is thinking too much.

Sigh. CB.

2011-01-24T20:11:00.001+08:00

I'm not a fool. Stop taking me as one, CB.

2011-01-24T20:10:00.001+08:00

Dear CB,

I hate you.

Ps. I hate my boss too.

2011-01-20T14:41:00.001+08:00

Dreamt of Charlie last last night

Weird dream. We attended some function together ad apparantly people there knows us. Like. We're a couple or something.

But we sat seperately bcuz we had a fight or something. Den one of his friend asked him, 'eh. Why don't want to talk to chloe?'. No answer from him. Den his friend asked me the same thing. I didn't answer as well. Charlie then said 'Ya. I don't want to talk to her bcuz I don't want to lose. Wait for her to talk to me.'. So I woke up. And I thought to myself.

Sometimes. Losing is winning. If I go talk to him and we made up, I didn't lose. I win. Bcuz we made up.

Well. It's just a dream.

He MIA from whatsapp for about 2 and a half days. So I thought to myself if I open whatsapp and he's online I'll apologise to him. And what the fuck. He really online. And he's otw back to singapore. -.-' got such coincident? So I apologized and I felt better.

Well. And just as I was about to do this entry. Grenade started playing.

-.-'
And I thought. Wow. Another coincident.

2011-01-11T15:23:00.001+08:00

A lot happened these few days. Nothing seem to go right these days. Work wise. Relationship. Friendship. The only thing I'm happy about this screwed year (as of now and hopefully stop soon) is my family. Lucky it's still good.

So he thinks i'm materialistic. And she thinks I'm a 3rd party and my boss thinks I'm at fault for things I didn't do and my colleagues think i'm so nice to bully. Total yayness, NOT.

Everything happened in one fateful day. That was 08012011. Nice one. Keep it up. Just because I'm a rabbit doesn't mean I love to be bullied. Damn. I can be a wild rabbit too. Fuck.

2011-01-11T15:18:00.001+08:00

Fucking puked my guts out last night.

Damn.

I fucking hate CharlieB

2010-12-31T20:54:00.001+08:00

I'm also not that bad. But. Why. Why am I the only one who's alone.

爱了痛了。痛了哭了。

明天开始，你就只是普通朋友了。

2010-12-31T20:19:00.001+08:00

满街上，情人对对。

为什么就我一个人？

心痛。

2010-12-29T11:22:00.001+08:00

I wonder. Out of 10 times you log onto whatsapp, how many times you'll come to our chat just to see if I'm online, awake and asleep.

For me. Out of 10 times, I prolly do 12.

Sigh.

Why can't we just talk properly? Why?

What's wrong with being happy with me? Why choose to be sad when you could be happy?

:(

Maybe I'm the one reading too much. Maybe you don't really care.

Maybe it has been nothing all along.

But then again. Why do you care if I'm getting better or not?

I won't log into whatsapp just to message a normal friend to see if he's fine. I won't change the radio station to he's preferred station. I won't watch a movie I'm not keen on just cause he's keen.

Aiya. I give up man.

And oh. I won't get angry because of the marathon thing. Damn!

You said you hate push pull carrot stick. But. You're doing just that.

2010-12-28T10:45:00.001+08:00

我非常喜欢你

2010-12-23T01:35:00.001+08:00

Fight. Aching all over now.

2010-12-23T01:34:00.001+08:00

Lots of things happened.

People come people go.

And I'm really determined this time.
I'll like to stay single for a while.

No more bad romance. Am tired.

Christmas is coming. But I'm working.
Christmas eve. Christmas. Both working. What the fuck. My schoolmate asked 'Where is the Love man!' yeah. Indeed. Where is the love? Boooo.

CharlieB. Byebye.

2010-12-15T00:20:00.001+08:00

I'm semi drunk. And it's been a long long time..

Charlie?

2010-12-09T02:17:00.001+08:00

I sat in the exact place we used to. And. Memories came crashing down. But it wasn't for long. Because he came. And took it all away.

Everybody need somebody. Especially when it comes to forgetting someone.

With Chandra, I let go of J.
With Youngho, I let go of Chandra.

Now. I just need somebody, so I could get over Youngho. And. He. Needs someone too.

I'm not saying I'm making use of him.
No. I'm not.

I enjoyed his company. And hopefully him too.

Good night world. Good night youngho.

Saranghei?

2010-12-03T00:26:00.001+08:00

Easy come. Easy go. That's just how you live. Oh. Take, take, take it all. But you never give. Should have known you was trouble from the first kiss, had your eyes wide open, why were they open? To give me all your love was all I ever ask of, because baby I'd catch a grenade for ya, throw my hands on a blade for ya, jump in front of a train for ya, I'd do anything for ya baby, I'd go through all this pain, take a bullet straight through my brain cause I would die for you baby, but, you won't do the same.

If my body was on fire, you'd watch me burn down in flames, you said you love me, baby you're a liar, cause you never, ever, ever did baby. But darling, I'd still catch a grenade for ya. I'd do anything for ya.

Yes. I'll protect you. Cause I'm The man. :)

2010-11-27T23:31:00.001+08:00

I miss you, young ho ah. TT

2010-11-25T10:21:00.001+08:00

It's not easy, to be me.

2010-11-21T19:13:00.001+08:00

I miss him. Terribly. And hating all of it. Totally.

Coward. That should be his name.
Loser. Mine.

Damn Love. It shouldn't have been love if It could cause such misery. Ah. It should have been called Misery affair. Love don't exist. Someone please. Erase it from the Dictionary.

Wow

2010-11-18T12:35:00.001+08:00

It wasn't needed for him to delete me.

I don't understand Hangul either. -.-

2010-11-10T19:00:00.001+08:00

We used to be so much happier.

2010-11-06T22:59:00.001+08:00

不知道为什么就是想哭。

心里一阵痛。

也许，是时候说再见了吧。

2010-11-06T19:20:00.001+08:00

心痛。

2010-11-04T03:37:00.001+08:00

I miss my bf. Very much.

2010-11-03T12:23:00.001+08:00

I'm always happy to know he's in the library studying for his exams.

But today. He can't meet me. I'm kinda sad. He got a exam tmr.

But well. I should always be happy that's he's focused. So yap. I let it be.

Good luck baby.

2010-11-02T17:03:00.001+08:00

Pissed off with a capital P.

2010-11-01T01:23:00.001+08:00

It's raining dinosaurs now. I'm having a fever. Flu. Headache. And stomach upset. I just puked. And I miss my baby. Wish he's here.

TT

I think I'm such a fool.

2010-10-30T12:26:00.001+08:00

My stomach is very pain.

TT

2010-10-29T23:42:00.001+08:00

Say Goodnight，晚安　
谢谢你陪我一整个夜晚
Close your eyes, be quiet　
我明白你有自己的不安
很多来不及我不曾看见，我只遇见你的现在
不管你接受或离开
I hope to stay for a while

除此之外　
要你明白　
你的笑我真是喜欢看
于是我一次又一次等待　
其实都还算愉快

除此之外　
非常遗憾　
你的心我还是打不开

And if you need somebody　
我确定我会在，不会走开

So Goodbye，晚安　
舍不得看你觉得不自在
It's alright，I'm fine　
看起来这故事会写不完

很多差一点你没有发现　
你只认识我的现在
不管你留下或走开　
I'm gonna stay for a while

除此之外　
我要你明白　
你的笑我真是喜欢看
于是我一次又一次等待　
其实都还算愉快

除此之外　
非常遗憾　
你的心我还是打不开
And if you need somebody　
我确定我会在
除此之外　
我还在等待　
你的心将为我而敞开
But if you need somebody　
你知道我会在　
不会走开。

2010-10-29T22:43:00.001+08:00

: I've always believed that everyone is born with a someone. But because there's only one such person for each one of us, it will take a long long time before we find them. And the sadest thing is, the one we eventually end up with, might not be The One, cause we might lose them in the midst of searching for them. Never listen to what your ear or mind or eyes say. Listen to your heart, it might be on the left side, but it's always Right. :)

2010-10-29T12:05:00.001+08:00

Maybe he had been playing me all along.

2010-10-28T21:53:00.001+08:00

I'm Chinese. For your information.

2010-10-26T18:46:00.001+08:00

Him.

2010-10-23T01:20:00.001+08:00

There are many times when I wanted to tell you just how much you meant to me and how much I love you but I held back, bcuz I was afraid. I was afraid to love and much more afraid to let you know how deep I've fallen for you.

I love you a lot. But I have trust issues. I don't know why. It seems so much easier in the past. Or maybe I've grown up. And I'm finding it harder to trust now. I've been hurt in the past and so I don't know if I would be able to handle relationships and heart breaks. I wish I'm strong enough to believe in you. Well. Sometimes I really do. I trust you.

Baby. I love you.

And I'll be keeping my fingers crossed.

2010-10-22T00:30:00.001+08:00

I just wanna be alone for a while. I'm sorry. I don't know how to do this.

So please. Just. Leave me alone.

2010-10-20T23:26:00.001+08:00

:)

Enjoyed my day with him totally. Well. It's not just this one day. I enjoyed everyday with him. Every time I see him. His every small movements never once failed to put a smile or rather a big grin, on my face. He makes me happy. Very happy. And I hope these happy moments will never stop.

Thank you, baby. For everything you've ever done for me. And don't be sad for those little things that you can't do. Bcuz, what you did, far surpass those small little things you can't do, by a great deal.

I'm very happy. And I'm very glad I found you. Very very glad.

I love you. Thanks, again. :)

Ps. I will follow you wherever you go. It's a promise.

Love,
Jianying.

2010-10-20T23:21:00.001+08:00

: There were 3 butterflies and a candle. The first one went close and said 'I know about Love.'. The second one flew nearer and touches it's wings lightly on the flame and said 'I know how Love's fire can burn.'. And then the 3rd one flew all the way in and was consumed. He. Is the only one who knew what Love is all about. And this 3 butterflies. Are just like people on this Earth. Those who had never been burnt, will never know what love is truly about. Which butterfly are you?

I'm the 3ed one. But enjoying every moment of it. :)

2010-10-20T03:20:00.001+08:00

Dear Bf, I love you. And I will love you til the day you stopped loving me.

2010-10-18T00:44:00.001+08:00

I start missing the bf the moment we part and I'll miss him til I see him.

영호. That's his name.

2010-10-17T15:49:00.001+08:00

Last night. I actually fell asleep reading.

Wow.

2010-10-17T01:10:00.001+08:00

His last text to me.

'I kill you. Now.'

Boohoo. :( he wanna kill me everyday.
And. I hate it when his phone died on him. Damn.

2010-10-16T09:57:00.001+08:00

First, he made me super sad.
And then. He made me happy again.

I believe this is love. :D

And he calls himself oppa. Lol.
Haha. He said some stuffs in Korean 'oppa........' and den he asked 'you understand?' I said no. He den asked 'what oppa?' I said I don't know. He said 'oppa! Me!' and point to himself. Hahahahahahaahaha. So funny can?

Love him so much~ lalalalalalalalala~

2010-10-16T04:41:00.001+08:00

I love him. Thanks.

2010-10-16T04:16:00.001+08:00

I'm very sad. Very very very very very very very.

2010-10-15T00:57:00.001+08:00

I miss him so much it hurts.

Really. Sometimes I wonder. How can one ever miss someone so much. The ability and the capacity. Really. Is the heart really that big for one to miss someone so much.

I miss him lots.

2010-10-14T09:55:00.001+08:00

The wake is finally over. As of yesterday. I'm so tired. But I think the really tired one is my bf. Been busy with his project and presentation. Poor boy.

And finally tmr we'll be going out! Yay! Love him much.

Baby, fighting! :)

2010-10-11T18:18:00.001+08:00

In sad.

2010-10-09T18:52:00.001+08:00

I love Liar Lee. :)

2010-10-08T11:54:00.001+08:00

Hope she's happier now.

Rest in peace.

2010-10-08T01:32:00.001+08:00

It's really not easy. But I hope I can make it, with him no less.

I love him. Oh. Really I do.

We all have our doubts. All of us. As much as ppl told me to be careful, I put all my heart in it. And I believe there will be ppl who asked him to be careful too.

Of course I don't know if mean it. But well. I do. I love him a lot.

Saranghei.

Don't break my heart.

My cutest

2010-10-07T01:38:00.001+08:00

My Love.

2010-10-07T00:24:00.001+08:00

I love my bf. He always makes me happy. And I'm glad I found him. :)

He is just sooooooooooooooo cute. :)

2010-10-06T16:55:00.001+08:00

It's not easy being with a foreigner who don't speak Chinese. Not that it matters cuz we both can speak English. But. I don't understand a single thing him and his friends wrote on fb.

They might well be speaking ill of me. I don't know. I'm quite upset. :(

I wanted to trust and believe him. Wanted very much. But. It's really not easy.

Well. I'll try my best to stay positive.

I mean. He won't like it if everything on my wall is in Chinese as well, isn't it? But. Well. That's his language! What can I do?I can't possibly ask him to translate every single word isn't it? Boooooooo.

I wanna stay strong!

2010-10-06T00:12:00.001+08:00

It's weird how I got to know him. How I met him. How I fell in love with him. How i missed him when he just walked away. How I kep thinking of him. How he occupied my mind and my heart. I felt truly happy woth him. Really.

I'm keeping my fingers crossed.
I hope we will stay in love. For a long long time.

2010-10-05T19:16:00.001+08:00

抱抱了！

:)

Love him much. Sooooooooooooooooo much. :)

2010-10-02T23:50:00.001+08:00

Been the longest time since I got a new bf. How long has it been? Let me count. Ahhhhhhhhhhhhhh. 2 and a half years. I'm really curious. I need to learn how to be a gf again.

Like. Date number what can start holding hands. Date number what can start hugging. Date what can start kissing and etc.

And I'm not the DOA in public type. So. Hmmmm. Kinda hard.

How? How? How?

And I can't trust people. I've got trust issues.

I'll start thinking 'he'll leave after he get it'.

Damn.

2010-10-02T00:01:00.001+08:00

:) it's a happy day today.

I love today.
And I hope it'll be like this for a long long time. Til one of us stop breathing.

Mandai Tekong Park murder

2010-09-27T20:24:00.001+08:00

Omg. Just next to my block. And to think it happened at the same time when I'm near there. This is called 'Holy shit!'

And to thiink I had initially wanted to go there to play some candles and lanterns just freaked me out totally.

死定了

2010-09-27T17:21:00.001+08:00

爱上一个不该爱的人。

2010-09-26T14:44:00.001+08:00

Yes. No. Yes. No. Yes. No. No. Yes. Yes. No. What is it? Yes or no?

I knew it. It's yes. You do want out.

2010-09-25T09:49:00.001+08:00

Don't come back anymore ya. :)

2010-09-24T00:40:00.001+08:00

Be happy, Love, even if it's at my misery.